When God says go, I go. Generally I ask many questions as I have to have some sort of guarantee. The path I'm on is from God. I fully and 100% believe this. I also fully believe that this is the hardest hike I've ever been on. One would think that the path of life may be somewhat dirty, or unattractive. Mine turned from attractive to downright nasty. I realize the path ultimately leads to success, whether that be earthly or not. It's the pain I don't like. I'm not sure how much more I can take.
I feel like I'm walking down the street and inside all of the houses are many people. Lots of hot chocolate, cookies, turkey, stuffing, laughing, little kids running and general happiness. I don't fit in, yet I would love to. There is hope however as a few of them wave and say hi as I walk by.
The unspeakable happens and someone is taken from me. Someone I admired and looked up to. Now instead of hope I feel despair. Every night I sit alone, staring at the pieces of myself broken all over the place. I wonder what it would be like to have help picking up the pieces, to have a friend come over and watch a game or go out to eat with. I hope someday this could happen.
Not at all sure where I'm headed. I hope the pain subsides so I can be myself...
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