it's not really about having a lot of friends. it's about not making enemies.

To whoever is listening...

I feel like I'm fighting in my last round/surrounded by this terrible sound/ all alone and I just want to be found/under the radar I fly low/just wanting someone to notice it's bad logic I know/emotions are raging off the charts/seems like my day should be done even before it starts/the end of the dark tunnel is nowhere in sight/all I want is that glorious light/tattered and beaten on my path I struggle/one step at a time I limp forward/hugging my pillow at night I snuggle/awaiting another day to press forward.

The path of the righteous is narrow/how can I fit when I'm no more than a bent arrow/I'm like a dizzy sparrow/ I can't fly straight to save my life/some days are real good others full of strife/constantly listening and pressing ahead/following the path as best as I can/I choose the hard path instead/dear dad I love ya man/as you used to always say "You da man!"

it's easy to listen
hard to accept
and painful to change

elijah was a prophet,
a righteous, chosen man
and even he cried "enough!
i am tired of being strong"

and there was no wrath,
no judgment,
no loss of love or life.
only gentle reassurance,
time for rest,
and just enough sustenance
for the journey ahead.

The path of my life....

When God says go, I go. Generally I ask many questions as I have to have some sort of guarantee. The path I'm on is from God. I fully and 100% believe this. I also fully believe that this is the hardest hike I've ever been on. One would think that the path of life may be somewhat dirty, or unattractive. Mine turned from attractive to downright nasty. I realize the path ultimately leads to success, whether that be earthly or not. It's the pain I don't like. I'm not sure how much more I can take.

I feel like I'm walking down the street and inside all of the houses are many people. Lots of hot chocolate, cookies, turkey, stuffing, laughing, little kids running and general happiness. I don't fit in, yet I would love to. There is hope however as a few of them wave and say hi as I walk by.

The unspeakable happens and someone is taken from me. Someone I admired and looked up to. Now instead of hope I feel despair. Every night I sit alone, staring at the pieces of myself broken all over the place. I wonder what it would be like to have help picking up the pieces, to have a friend come over and watch a game or go out to eat with. I hope someday this could happen.

Not at all sure where I'm headed. I hope the pain subsides so I can be myself...

tree

i’ve got some strange attraction to trees

as if i might fall in love with one someday

i may just sit beneath one for an hour or two

and the hours will turn into days and years

and there i will sit, wistful and windblown

…we’ll grow into each other

and autumn will be our favorite season

(i’ll lay beneath the branches and be doused

in auburns and burgundies and jades

and i’ll bring new meaning to the words

tree hugger)

of course, the only talking that needs to be done

will be done by the breeze:

it will be me and the tree and the wind hum

the tree and i, we’ll be lovers

but mostly we’ll just be