Randomness

They say live free or die tryin'
They complacent
Livin' in the world in the fast lane flyin'
Down the left lane smoked out
Wild livin' is a true cop out
It's the wide path that leads to hell
It's the hell that makes life hard to tell
Yo it's this type of flow
Just like a pro
Hope you in the know
Livin' in the blaze
Smokin' this haze
I sincerely hope you get outta this phase

Her hearts the grand prize
Porno clips create mad lies
Easy traps with many mishaps
To gain a PHD in someones crazy life
Workin' hard to make the grades
Four letter verb is the class I'm takin'
Always learnin' always workin'
To treat Gods Princess with love and respect
Hopefully than she'll love my defects

A longing

It's a verb that awakens my heart
I wake up with it and go to bed with it
I want a doctorate degree in her
So strong I can't describe
So sweet and sincere
Yet it roars inside of me like a lion
Why do I feel this way
How can I cope
Forgetting is too easy
Embracing is so hard
Again I ask why me

this was me this summer in Grenada. i'm trying to find that girl in Illinois...

Random Thoughts

Sitting in a room full of older men I can't help but wonder about their lives and if their happy. I want so much to grow up, to be past the "school stage". But is it really worth it? Is it something I'll want back once I'm finished with it? Brad stares at me while I make my introduction. I'm new to the group and they want to know why such a young person is in their midst. So cool and confident he seems, I couldn't wait until his introduction. His body language screams power and influence, I took mental notes. Cool, calm and slow. Nothing rushed, repeated or done sloppy. Cool gazes, warm smiles, direct question and direct compliment. How can I become that confident? Bored out of my mind yet fascinated with the other new guy. What is my purpose here, why am I here? Mr. Confident feels pressure from recession and wife. He's human. I can't figure out what it is about this situation that makes him so familiar to me. The dvd plays on yet my mind is wandering.

The only thing that really struck me during the DVD was a joke. The joke goes loosely something like this. There were two people out camping. One said to the other, "Wow look at all of those stars! Imagine how many millions and millions of stars and planets there are in our galaxy let alone in space! It's hard to believe all of that was created by my heavenly father. He loves me personally, yet also loves everyone else and made everything we see out in space." His friend replies,"umm, I think someone stole our tent!" I found that somewhat humorous but I also was struck oddly at the whole circumstance and how I relate to others. I often feel like I'm the guy in this story looking so far into the heavens that I overlook the obvious (tent missing). Neither answer is wrong you see, It's just I can't seem to find anyone that sees the stars and the wonder of them with me. I just find that everyone is more upset about the tent missing than in awe of the glory and splendor of space.

Girls, love, romance are thought of in the same way. I'd rather focus on the hearts and minds of girls than their obvious outer beauty. I'd rather focus on what makes them happy, makes them tick, makes them 100% female than just another piece of bait. Everyone in my life looks skin deep on every issue. Love is a pain in the butt not something to be mystified and in wonder of. Romance is too much work, too hard, and not enough benefits they say. To me, it's an adventure! Of course I can say the wrong thing and *BOOM* landmine. But I find myself getting back up and stepping around the next mine hoping to find answers. Hopefully someday she'll notice.

In the mean time I'm off to find God in everything. I'm always amazed at things I see on National Geographic channel or Discovery. Have you ever watched those shark shows?!?! Those animals are so amazing! So graceful and fierce. I wonder if God created everything in his image. They all are attributes to his personality and his imagination. In the end, my heavenly dad loves me and you more than any of us can ever imagine. Next time you see something wonderful, maybe that's God telling you he loves you.

Until next time, thanks for listening to my rant!

"Yes, she thought, laying down her brush in extreme fatigue, I have had my vision." –Virginia Woolf, To the Lighthouse